Repeat!
Repeat!!!
I want to believe that you never have to repeat anything for me to grab it. I like to think that I walk with total understanding and can immediately understand what you are trying to tell me, teach me, or show me.
So when I had to repeat Primary 4, I cried and wrote letters to my former schoolmates saying that they would be going ahead without me as the new school I was going to attend was asking me to repeat Primary 4.
Background story: My mum had changed houses and had decided that we would go to a school that was very close to home until she decided what to do next. I had taken the entrance exam for the new school and did excellently well in math (I still do competently in math), but I had not passed the cut-off for English. The school headmistress did show surprise that I could pass Pry 5 math but was shocked that my English wasn't good (I still struggle with English ), so she advised me to repeat Pry 4, and it was just one year.
I cried that day; I wanted to be in Pry 5 so badly that I swore that English would suffer in my hands. I did resume Pry on September 4, 2003, and never repeated a class until I graduated from secondary school. In fact, I was known "as a "scholar" mathematician, and those names you'll call those of us who knew books.
The second time I had to repeat a class was during my undergraduate days; as of 300l, I knew I was going to have an extra year when everyone was graduating. I took it in good faith, so I thought until I saw my 400 results, and I remember crying from chemistry to my church secretariat at BDPA, close to the Precious Palm Hotel. I called all the way and kept wondering why I was failing and doing so poorly in school and how I turned from being the best in math and physics to a spillover student and even a splashover student!
In both experiences, I cried and wailed and would take up my book and tell myself I was going to make progress. I have long left the shores of examination and repeating a class but discovered that life itself throws us some lessons, and failure to get the message will automatically leave you repeating a particular pattern in life.
During my two extra years at Uniben, I dealt with myself so much that I found it hard to allow myself to fail. I will put extra effort into making anything work, to the detriment of my health, feelings, or even people. For me, I just never wanted to fail or repeat.
Am I better? Yes! Do I entirely understand the lessons behind repeating and failing? Maybe not. Am I scared of failing? Yeah sometimes. Have I failed recently? Yes, of course! What is next? I don't know
But I do know that repeating something is not a bad thing; we are taught how to develop healthy habits by repeating them constantly, and we are reminded that failure is feedback, not the final cut.
Love M
